vladimir putin doctor evil

Russia Releases Shocking Photo of Advanced Kitty Weaponry

European leaders are scrambling today after Vladimir Putin released a photo showing that Russia has obtained advanced kitty military capacity (AKMC).

Sources say that this provocative move is merely the latest effort by Mr. Putin to reclaim the “lost glories” of the Soviet Union.

rocket cat

Strategic resources?

special kitty food

U.S. intelligence warns that Mr. Putin may be planning an imminent attack on the Eastern Ukraine, an area rich in magnesium, sugar beets, and potassium.

These resources are all key ingredients in Special Kitty cat food, which experts say creates the copious gas necessary for fueling this new feline weaponry.

Can Mankind Really Control This New Technology?

Critics claim that Mr. Putin’s ambitions may be larger than we think, and warn that man has tried to control the kitty for generations without success. By once again attempting to do so, is Mr. Putin risking that this technology will quickly spiral out of control and threaten the very existence of mankind?

ian malcolm

As Dr. Ian Malcolm warned in Jurassic Park, “The scientific power that your using here didn’t require any discipline to attain it…. So, you don’t take any responsibility for it.”

Or, perhaps this is a case of the “tail wagging the dog” (or cat?) with the kitty merely using Mr. Putin as a pawn to achieve Chairman Meow‘s radical vision of kitty world-domination?

Either way, in attempting to control and wield the power of the kitty, mankind may once again be opening Pandora’s (litter?) Box.

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